Too Much Of Me

When my ex left me one of the reasons he gave me was “You’ve gotten fat and you know I have always been attracted to skinny women.” This threw me into a tailspin for a long time. I went out and bought scales and placed them by my bed. I was religious about stepping on those scales every morning.

It took me quite sometime to realize that I was just fine and the whole fat thing was his problem, not mine. That knowledge came to me mostly because a man that I had only known when I was fat asked me out. He asked me out over the phone without seeing how much weight I lost and what I looked like.

After about a year I lost down to between 145 and 150. It was perfect for me. I maintained that weight up until about a year and a half ago. I have now gained all but 8 pounds of my pre divorce weight back. It is killing me!

I have no fear that Jeff will leave me because of my weight. He tells me daily how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. I, however, beat myself up constantly over it.

I’m miserable in that I have gotten lazy again. I don’t have the energy to get up and do anything. On the weekends I pretty well just sit and crochet and eat. I do the same in the evenings. My knees are starting to give out under my weight and I have trouble breathing some days.

I work at a job that I pretty much just sit here all day. Now it gets dark just after I get home. There is no time for walking and it’s not a good idea to walk after dark where I live. I don’t live in a bad neighborhood but there are several wild animals roaming around. I really don’t want to be supper for some animal.

I have to figure out a plan to lose this weight again. I’m not happy and I can’t stand it. I want to weight my little clothes again and I want them to actually look good. I just have to figure out how and motivate myself to do it.

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Published in: on November 4, 2008 at 10:20 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I hear you. Oh boy, do I hear you.

    Same spot myself. Let me know if you figure out a solution. 🙂

  2. I am with you on that.
    At my worst, I was up to 270.
    I looked like I could explode
    any minute – my skin really
    looked that tight/stretched.
    I got down to 180.
    Now I’m up to 220.
    I don’t want to go any higher.

    We have a free fitness center here.
    I am having trouble hauling my lazy ass there to work out.

    If I could lose weight for all of the thinking about exercise that I do – I’d be set!

  3. I wanted to blame my divorce on my weight since I wasn’t getting any reasons from His Highness. Now I’ve decided that I want to lose weight for me. I actually feel good about not eating sweets now, even though I love them! It’s for me and nobody else. You can do it too!


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