How To Scar Your Child In Three Minutes

Saturday poor Dylan was left alone with only me and Jeff. We had planned to just hang out and watch tv and just be vegetables all day. Well, Dylan was bored and I felt bad because all his friends were busy so I offered to take him and rent a game. Just before we got back to the house this conversation took place.

Me: Aren’t you glad I’m your mom?
Him: Most of the time.
Me: Do you wish you had a different mom?
Him: Sometimes.
Me: Well, you could be stuck with *Rita or Maggie.
Him: That’s not so bad.
Me: Well you would have came out of their hoo ha!
Him: Ewwww! Nasty! They are all wrinkled!
Me: And just how do you know that?
Him: Look at their faces. They have wrinkles all around their mouths and they are all scrunchy.
Me: So that tells you what a woman’s hoo ha looks like?
Him: Yes!
Me: Well you know, I do have some hair around my mouth!

At this point he fell out of the truck and took off running through the yard hitting himself on the head saying “Get out of there! Get! Get!”

*Names are made up. Falling out of the truck and screaming, however, aren’t.

Published in: on September 29, 2008 at 5:34 pm  Comments (1)  

How About A Two-fer

I was reading this post and realized I never let anyone know about Dylan’s mammogram.

It was like pulling teeth getting the results. After a week and a half I called the doctor’s office and they still knew nothing. A few days later I called back.

Everything turned out fine. They said it was a hormonal thing. I wasn’t as relieved as I thought I would be. Could be because I don’t trust the doctor a whole lot.

The next day I got a letter from the hospital. It also said everything is fine. After reading it we all felt a whole lot better.

Published in: on September 24, 2008 at 2:33 pm  Comments (1)  

And In Crochet News….

I know it’s just the boring stuff this time but, my attention whore side makes me put these blankets and such up here.
Entering the fair turned out to be a pretty good thing for me. I have had several people ask me to make something for them.
This is one I made for my nephew. His son was born a couple days ago and his colors are camo.

I made this one for a friend of mine to give to a friend of her’s. The colors she chose are hot pink and lime green.Last but certainly not least. I am in a crochet group and we did a swap. The theme of the swap was favorite color. Bet you can’t guess what my favorite color is from the picture.

Published in: on September 24, 2008 at 1:59 pm  Comments (4)  


I have been close friends with Billie for 20 years. She’s the kind of friend that you never have to doubt her intentions. You always know she has your back no matter what time of the day or the circumstances. Apparently this relationship her and I have intimidates a lot of people for some reason. Mostly men.

When I first moved to Oklahoma I started dating this guy. He was divorced. Billie was his ex wife. For some reason he felt it was necessary to make her and I fight at every twist and turn. He would tell her that I said one thing then turn around and tell me the same thing but she said it about me. Him and I broke up after about six months.

Several months later I started dating my ex husband. Lo and behold, Billie was his niece. I was leery of her for a long time and pretty much just stayed away if she was around. Then one day I was drunk and hungry and had no way to cook the spaghetti o’s I was desperately wanting to eat. I went to my ex’s sister’s house to cook them and Billie was there. I was drunk, and hungry and just really didn’t care if she kicked my ass.

Her and I started talking and realized that we actually liked each other. We have pretty much been inseparable since then, though many have tried to separate us.

There have been many times I have called her at 3 am crying over one thing or another. She has never gotten mad about it or upset, she would just talk me off the ceiling. When I got my divorce she would call me every morning because she knew my anxiety level was highest in the mornings. I hated waking up alone.

When I married Jeff he accepted the fact that her and I are a package deal. He knew without asking that he was marrying both of us for better or for worse. He was also taking on my kids and hers.

Several months ago Billie got married to Mike. Mike was awesome at first. Then he became a bit controlling. Then he just went full blown with it telling her she needed to diet, or she needed to get the gap fixed in her teeth. Once he set her up with a full spa day. He couldn’t just leave it as a nice gift he had to tell her the reason he did it was because her feet needed attention because they creeped him out.

Last month she finally decided enough was enough. She kicked him out. While he was packing he grabbed her arm so forcefully it left a bruises. (I have pictures.) When he shoved her out of the way she fell and hit the dresser. After he left the real trouble began. He would call her constantly calling her a bitch with white trash ways one time then the next telling her that he is the only one that has ever loved her this much.

Bill finally changed her phone number. Somehow he got her new number. We think we have it figured out how but when he got it he started implying that I was the one that gave him the number. He also said that her closest friends weren’t really friends at all. Mostly her and I just laughed about it. Eventually he started saying he had proof but wouldn’t tell her or show her because he didn’t want to hurt her that bad.

He started texting me one day and I started working on him to tell her. He messed up because he sent me a text that said WE know it wasn’t you that told me. I knew he was trying to make it out to be me. WE know but SHE didn’t. Big mess up. Yes SHE knows I didn’t do it. She knows I wouldn’t never do anything to harm her or her children.

Then the day came that he named me by name. He also showed her son a text that I supposedly wrote. Fortunately her son knows I would never hurt them. I started blasting him with text messages trying to make him cop to it but he just ignores them. He told Bill yesterday that he has my phone number blocked. He lied again because I called his phone and I wasn’t blocked.

I’m really not sure just what he hopes to accomplish. Even if he were to succeed in turning us against each other it doesn’t change the fact that she won’t allow him back into her life. I guess he figures if he can’t have her I can’t either.

But I got news for the fat ass fucker, the only people that can tear her and I apart are the two of us. NO ONE will ever break down what we have fought hard to build up.

Published in: on September 19, 2008 at 5:07 pm  Comments (2)  

Pretty Lucky

I was sitting on the couch last night and got to looking at my kids. I really wonder how I got lucky enough to have not one but two pretty good kids.

I see kids come in my store on a regular basis that talk to their mom like they are dogs. My kids don’t do that. They do argue with me from time to time but it’s rare that they have a disrespectful tone to their voice.

Sure my daughter is 17 and pregnant. At least she wasn’t pregnant at 14.
This isn’t a plea to hear what a good mom I am. I seriously have been blessed when it came to the kid department. There are so many things that could have went wrong with these two. I have always said that I am not the mom that they deserved and I do believe that of my past. I am different now then I was.
I may not be the mom they deserve but I am so thankful that I am their mom.
Published in: on September 17, 2008 at 3:24 pm  Comments (1)  

A Pinch Of This And A Dash Of That

The other night I thought for sure hell was freezing over. My kids not only got up and did the dishes on their own. (I had only told them once to get it done.) They didn’t fight the whole time they were standing there side by side doing them. As you can tell Dylan wasn’t too thrilled with it though. A couple weeks ago we cleaned out a storage room and had the trash piled up to be taken out. There was a piece of foam laying there and Precious decided it was her new bed. I think she was so happy she died laying there.
Dj got a new camera awhile back and was sitting on the couch playing with it. I decided to get mine out and take a picture of her. It is freaky cool how the picture turned out. And last but not least. This is Dylan entertaining himself while on a road trip.

Published in: on September 16, 2008 at 4:00 pm  Leave a Comment  


This time 14 years ago I was laying in a hospital bed trying to get some rest. I had been up all night trying to give birth to my son.

At that time I still had no idea what my son looked like or what it felt like to hold him in my arms. He was a month early and the nurses swooped him out of the delivery room before I could hold him.

In thirty minutes it will be exactly 14 years ago that I was woke up by a nurse placing him in my arms for the first time.

Thirty minutes after that his 3 year old sister bounded into the room, jumped up on the bed and declared the baby to be all hers.

Most days now, she would love to just put him back but she still mothers him.

There was a lot of talk and hype around the house last night about the big birthday today.

I got up this morning, woke the kids up and sent them off to school. Thirty minutes later as Dj was talking to Dylan’s bus driver about where he needs to get off the bus today, she called me.

She called to inform me that we forgot to tell Dylan Happy Birthday this morning.

Please don’t everyone rush to vote for me for mother of the year. It’s really an honor just to be nominated.

*As a small side note: Dylan bought that duck float for the neighbors two small boys. He wrapped around his waist and I grabbed the camera. He started pulling his shirt down and I asked him what he was doing. His answer “I’m fixing my shirt. I don’t want to look like a dork!”

Published in: on September 15, 2008 at 2:37 pm  Leave a Comment  

Deep Sigh Of Relief

A month or so ago I was in a bit of a quandary. For those that don’t feel up to reading it again the short version is this: Dylan wanted to move in with me. Dj goes to school A. I wanted Dylan to go to school A as well. That school has no football so he wanted to go to school B which is a much bigger school and I don’t like it. I tried to fight it but I finally gave into it because it meant he would stay with me.

The night before school started he changed his mind, he wanted to go to school A. I was ecstatic! We loaded up the next morning to get all the paperwork done that we needed to do and battle who we needed to battle to get him in there. As it turned out the battle was short lived because school A had to many 8th graders and couldn’t make room for him. He was going to have to go to school B anyway because we live in their school district.

For the past month I would drop him off in the morning and spend my days on pins and needles worrying about him until he shows up at my store.

Then I breathe.

He made it through another day.

It’s not that the school is particularly rough but the powers that be really don’t do anything when things do get rough. They tend to let kids work things out a bit more then I like.

Last Thursday Dylan had a football game. He put his phone in his football locker UNDER his clothes. When he went to change back into his clothes his phone was gone. The school has done nothing about it.

Monday morning Dylan got to school and found a bullet in his pocket. (He had been target practicing with the neighbors and as kids tend to do he put those pants back on without them being washed.) He took the bullet out of his pocket and slipped it in his book bag. At recess two boys got his bag and decided to go through it. They found the bullet and turned it in to their coach. Dylan had to go to the office and he explained what happened to the principal and he was believed but with all the trouble in schools he had to talk to the powers that be to find out if they could just drop it or not.

I went to school with him Tuesday morning to talk to the principal. I had one simple question. “What was done to the boys that went through his bag?” See, I’m not the kind of mom that tries to get my kids out of trouble when they get into it. I don’t say things like my kid wouldn’t do that. I get that the school might have to punish Dylan. I’m ok with that but, I want those boys punished too. The answer to my question? “Oh, well, someone went through his bag?”

Jeff and I have been looking at a new house. It’s in school district C. It’s a small school that only goes to 8th grade then the kids are bussed to school A. I was so mad when I left school B yesterday that I decided whether we move or not Dylan was coming out of that school. He walks a mile from school to my store every day. The school won’t protect him when he’s there so why should I believe he will be safe to walk through town to here?

I called school C and the secretary told me that it probably wouldn’t be a problem to transfer him but I would have to speak with the Superintendent. He called me a few minutes later. When I heard his voice the clouds parted and the sun shown down. I knew Dylan was in. The superintendent at school C was Dylan and Dj’s principal at the first school they went to. He knew my kids. He was with Dj from 1st grade until 8th grade and with Dylan from Pre – K to 5th grade. His words to me “Jennifer, I will get the emergency transfer papers started and you bring him to me in the morning.” I went straight to school B and withdrew my kid.

We took him to his new school this morning. It’s a very, very small school. There might be 80 students total. As soon as we walked up, Dylan’s new Science teacher walked out the door. He was one of my teachers when I was a senior many moons ago. He introduced us to his new math teacher who seems so sweet. Then we went into the office to start the paperwork and his English teacher came in and talked to us.

I left the school feeling so much relief I almost cried. My son is safe now and in an environment that works for his learning style.

Published in: on September 10, 2008 at 3:44 pm  Comments (2)  

Wow! Two In One Day!

I had Jeff run up to the fair grounds a little bit ago.

I was going nuts and didn’t want to go up there this evening to find I hadn’t placed.

I told him to only let me know if I had a ribbon. Not what place.

Then I proceeded to beg him and threaten bodily harm if he didn’t tell me what place ribbon I got.


Published in: on September 4, 2008 at 8:17 pm  Comments (2)  

Pulling It Together With Dots

  • The county fair is this weekend. I entered this baby blanket that I made for Dj. Judging is going on right now and even though it’s just a ribbon and $3 I’m sitting on pins and needles.
  • Gustov was bad news for a lot of people. He brought us some rain that we didn’t need but not too much. However, he also brought with him some cool air. It’s in the high 60s right now and I am loving it!
  • Dylan had his mammogram Tuesday. It will be a week and a half before we find out anything. They did mention that he might have to go for an ultrasound as a follow up. I, being the mom that I am, took my camera and got some really cute pictures of him getting swashed. He has promised retaliation.
  • Dylan’s first football game of the season is today. I will miss the first hour of it because I’ll be here at work.
  • Up until last Saturday, Dj worked at a little cafe here in town. It worked out great for her but they pissed me off hard Friday so I allowed her to quit. She was sick enough to go to the ER Thursday night and was bad enough I wouldn’t let her go to school Friday but they thought it would be a good idea to have her come in early since she didn’t go to school. She tried to not go at all, she was running fever, her throat was swollen and she could barely talk. Her boss told her all she had to do was fill ups and take money. When she got there he had NOT touched a thing and she had double work because she had to wash all his dishes and do all his clean up. Starting today she will be babysitting three days a week.
  • My landlord came home yesterday. He has been gone for a couple months due to some surgery he had to have. He is a very commanding man. When he says he wants something done you don’t feel pushed into it but you do feel compelled to get it done for him. His demeanor just commands respect. I am so glad he is home because my little wormy neighbor has felt the need to fill the big guys shoes for the past month and it’s getting pretty close to me going to jail for stabbing him with a meat fork.
Published in: on September 4, 2008 at 3:48 pm  Leave a Comment