Selfish

Here is a look into how my mind works when I go to bed at night.

I was laying there last night thinking about how great it was that my husband was so close and so protective of me. My mind jumped to this post. I thought about his wife and how lucky she is to have a husband that has accommodated her need for family and career. I don’t mean that to sound like she needs his permission to have it all but from my experience it sure does help to have a man that will stand behind you and your ambitions.

Then my mind jumped to something I blocked out years ago.

When I was 22 I worked at the front desk of a hotel in Gulfport, Ms. There was a basketball tournament in town so it was booked solid. One of the teams that was staying with us was from the University of Alabama. This was a school that I dreamed of going to all my life but, life happens and I never even got to apply much less attend.

The coach came into the office and him and I started talking about the school and about me not going to college. We talked a few times over the course of their stay. Before they packed up and left the coach came in to talk to me one more time and made me an offer that nearly made me faint. The team needed a manager. With the position came a FULL RIDE to the University of Alabama. (Yeah I’ll let that sink in just a second before I tell you the rest.)

Ready?

The only real catch to the free ride was I had to travel with the team. On the surface that doesn’t really seem like a big deal, it was only for a few nights a month. The rest of the time was pretty much my time for school and my family.

I was ecstatic! I went home and told my ex about it. At first he was happy too. So, we went next door and told my parents. My mom’s first words were “Hell no! You can’t do that!” Her reason for that was it was a three hour drive and that was too far to take her grandchildren away. She laid a really big guilt trip on me for even thinking of doing something so selfish.

My ex and I did a lot of talking about it and for the most part he felt like it was a good idea. Then it sunk into his brain that I would be gone over night sometimes. His words “No, we won’t be doing this because I’m not going to be the one to raise these kids!” So, I allowed him to guilt me into not take the scholarship.

I need to have a talk with him but I haven’t been mad enough at him yet to take on the fight that I know is going to come. After I thought about what I passed up so many years ago I was pissed last night. I couldn’t sleep for most of the night.

I have found the anger that I need to get through his thick skull. Today we have the fight we need to have over how he is acting towards our daughter and grandchild.

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Published in: on August 27, 2008 at 1:07 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. You rock!

    Good luck.

  2. Ex husbands suck!


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