My Brag Post

I have had some pretty good things happen to me in the past week or so and I figured since this is my blog it’s safe for me to do a little bit of bragging.
The store I work for has been in the process of being sold. The new owners took over two weeks ago. I am loving it! Now don’t get me wrong I loved working for the old owners too. They are friends and great people to work for. The environment was great here. The only problem being they only own this one store in this one small town so they couldn’t afford to pay us real great. I considered it a trade off; I work for good people in a fun environment in place of making big bucks.
The new owners have several stores all over the state so they have a little more leeway to pay better. I now get commissions based off of every sale I make no matter what it is, in essence I got a pretty good raise. Along with that raise since I am the only one working in this store I am considered a manager of sorts. (I don’t manage much since I am my only employee.) With my semi titled job I get a company phone. With it being a company phone it is completely unlimited everything. I can now have all the features I always wanted but could never afford. The only condition is it is to be used for sales at the store. That’s not a problem since my phone is always with me.
Another big thing that happened completely floored me. I live in a small town with a lot of older farmers. It’s kind of hard to sell all the little extras to them. Yesterday we received an email with each store’s current rankings in feature sales. My store (with only me working for the most part) was ranked 11 our of 42 in the state! I think I was more surprised then anyone when that email came out. To be fair since we are a smaller store then most I have a smaller quota but we are going to ignore that fact for the purpose of this post.
Another great aspect of my life right now has nothing to do with my job and everything to do with just how lucky I am with my life. I read a blog not long ago and in the comment section it turned towards appreciation by your spouse. I am one lucky woman in that my husband is not shy about letting me know how he feels about me. Every morning after he leaves for work I get a text message from him telling me good morning beautiful, I love you and have a great day. This is the text I woke up to this morning after I told my husband about my day yesterday.

Good morning beautiful, your the best, I’m proud of you, I love you with all my heart and I hope you have a great day!
Out of everything great that has happened to me, my husband is the greatest of them all!
Published in: on May 31, 2008 at 5:00 am  Comments (2)  

Because I’m Lazy

Where do you go when you need to just get away? Billie’s
Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yes
Have you ever thought about moving far away and starting all over? All the time
Who is the one person you can always turn to? Jeff
Have you ever won a raffle? Yes and almost got my ass kicked for it
Have you ever sang in front of a large audience? Way back in grade school
Favorite school field trip as a kid? Stone Mountain, Georgia
Have you ever square danced? Again way back in grade school
How far have you traveled up north? Pennsylvannia
How far south have you traveled? Orlando, Florida
What flavor do you like on your wings? I don’t eat wings
Who do you wake up for in the morning? Myself
Who is the last person you took a picture with? I think Dj
Do you think that Global Warming is happening? Yes
Have you or would you ever use and Ouija Board? Yes
Have you ever pretended you were happy around your friends but weren’t? Yes
Where would you most like to visit? Alaska
Do you think your ex still likes you? I don’t think my ex ever liked me
Describe you ex in three words: Big fat cheater
Have you ever had a pet fish? Yes
Have you ever been home sick? Yes
Who do you want to win the 2008 presidential election? Obama
Do you know the Soulja Boy dance? No
What is the craziest thing you’ve done with your best friend? Well I can’t really tell cause it was illegal.
Who do you think is the most attractive celebrity? Trace Adkins
When is the last time you went to Taco Bell? It’s been years
Have you ever licked a 9-volt battery? Oh yeah!
Have you ever ordered from an infomercial? I don’t watch them
Is there a message on your voice mail? No
Have you ever made a prank call before? Yes
What’s your favorite thing to do over the summer? Cooking out
How many jobs do you have? 2
Don’t you hate it when people smoke around you? Only if I don’t have any cigarettes
When was the saddest time in your life? When my parents passed away
What is your favorite type of skiing? Water
Who is your favorite family member and why? I don’t really have one but Dj says Dylan and Dylan says Dj
Do you like Chinese food? Hell no!
Would you ever be in the Peace Corps? Sure
Do you think you are better then everyone else? Not even close
Would you ever go on a camping trip without your cell phone? Not in this lifetime

Published in: on May 30, 2008 at 5:00 am  Leave a Comment  

We Don’t Do Mornings

Yesterday morning Jeff had to meet his boss at 5:45 am. I won’t go into how wrong it was that I had to be up that early and don’t have to be at work until 9:00. Anyway, our truck has turned into a massive piece of junk with an attitude. It will only start when it wants to start.
Jeff got in the truck and tried to crank it. Nothing. We sat there for about 10 minutes and the starter just kept dragging wouldn’t even pretend to act like it wanted to start. We couldn’t get the neighbors to come jump it off because it was 5:30 in the morning and that’s just mean to wake someone up like that.
Jeff finally called his boss who came by the house and picked him up. I got to go back to the couch and take a nap before I had to get up. I received a phone call at 7:30 with details on who to call and when to call and all that stuff that apparently as a girl I wouldn’t know. I got off the phone and thought I would run out and try it one more time before waking up the neighbors.
I hopped into the truck hit the ignition and it started off without a bit of hesitation! It just goes to prove my point; nothing and nobody wants to be awake at that ungodly hour!

Published in: on May 29, 2008 at 5:00 am  Leave a Comment  

Check Out My Daughter

Dj and I went for a walk a few weeks ago. She started telling me about an assignment they had in school. The assignment was to pretend you are an artist and tell how you would illustrate yourself.

She said she sat for a long time and kept thinking about books. She finally decided that was how she would go about it. She wrote that she was a book that you would find in the back of the library, rarely pulled off the shelf, hardly ever read. The cover was dull and not at all interesting. The few people that bothered to check out the book were pleasantly surprised to find the most colorful pages on the inside. They loved the book, it was beautifully written and full of humor. She ended it with the old saying “Never judge a book by its cover.”

She went on to tell me that she believes that is exactly how her friendships have been formed. The few people that took the time to get to know her have found that she is bright and shiny on the inside, and quiet and understated on the outside.

I am continually in awe of her self awareness at the age of 16. I hope to someday grow up to be just as smart as her!

Published in: on May 28, 2008 at 5:00 am  Leave a Comment  

Hospital Life – Take 2

This was Dj on one of her up moments last week. It’s not a real great picture but you can kind of tell how red her cheeks were from the fever. There were a few times I was really starting to worry about how sick she was. Things just kept piling on with every bit of blood work they did.

Her doctor is an older oriental man. He kept me and her laughing. He tried to talk to her as a doctor but also you could tell he was uneasy with saying somethings to a girl.

He discussed with her the importance of taking care of “pee pee problems” as soon as they occur. You can’t just wait around to make urine. He also told her the importance of making a poo regularly. On the day of her initial visit with him he asked her if she could “make urine” for him. When she said yes he handed her a medium sized styrofoam cup to pee in. Her eyes got huge and she told him “Ummm ok.”

I was so proud of her while she was in there. She didn’t get stupid with the nurses when they tried to do things with her and even after they would wake her up and take blood and vitals she would say thank you as they walked out the door. Several of the nurses commented that they wanted to keep her.

On Friday she woke up to her hand and arm being swollen. Her fingers looked like little sausages dangling from a balloon. They removed the IV and gave her a new toy.
She started telling everyone to beware of the fat hand. We fear the fat hand around the house. The swelling has finally started going down some. I sure am gonna miss the fat hand.
Published in: on May 27, 2008 at 5:00 am  Leave a Comment  

My Memory Monday

In an attempt to post more and to purge more things out of my brain I have decided that for awhile Mondays will be devoted to memories of my life. I will call it My Memory Monday because I like cheesy titles like that. Some will be good, some bad, some recent, some old, it just depends on what I wake up thinking about.
I don’t know if this first one is good or bad. It’s bad because Gary is an ass but it’s also funny because my brother and I were kinda stupid.
When I was about 12 or 13 Gary’s mom sent him a whole bunch of sample packs for cigarettes. Each pack had something like 5 cigarettes in it. They were kept in the unlocked freezer on our unlocked back porch. My brother had severe asthma and couldn’t hardly be around a smoker, much less smoke an actual cigarette. I was the rebellious kid and would steal one or two and light them up just to see if I could. I was smart enough to not steal those particular cigarettes because if found it would be known where they came from.
There came a time that the parents decided to tear down part of an old barn in our back yard. In this barn was a platform. (I’m not sure what it was for) Gary went after the platform first. And lo and behold he found not one but two empty packs of those damn cigarettes. We were immediately summoned to stand before him. He started asking us if we had stole them and hid them there.
We both adamantly denied any prior knowledge of the cigarettes, while he adamantly believed it had to be the two of us. As a parent I understand why he believed it to be one of the two of us stealing and smoking them. But also as a parent I know that when my kids are denying something that strongly, I might need to investigate further before I impose sentence.
Let’s look at some facts:

  1. Frank had asthma.
  2. We knew the barn was being torn down. If they were ours we would have moved them.

Our judge, jury, and executioner imposed a sentence of getting our ass busted every night after dinner until one of us confessed to the crime and received our real sentence. The first spanking took place that night. Gary didn’t just hit us once and go about his business, he nailed us good. (We didn’t receive spankings real often but you can bet we remember them all.) For three nights after we did the dinner dishes we were brought before him and asked if they belonged to us. We said no, he brought out the belt. Finally after the third night mom stepped in. She told Gary that was enough because if we had done it we would have broke by then. He had no choice but to let us off the hook.

Looking back I am sure Gary believed us but was very sadistic and probably just wanted to see if he could break us. My brother and I were both kinda dumb too. If we would have just said “Yup! It was me!” we would have gotten grounded for a week or two and received a no smoking lecture. Yeah, we weren’t that bright.

Published in: on May 26, 2008 at 3:28 pm  Leave a Comment  

Passion

I was thinking about my writing the other day. I know I can write but I lack the want to most of the time. I want to make my blog a better read but I lack the passion it takes to really put much into it.
That thought alone has become something I analyze regularly. I can not say with any honesty that I am really passionate about anything. I obsessively do things for days on end then lose interest in it just as quickly as I started it. A good example of this would be my garden. One Sunday morning I decided I wanted some tomatoes and some peppers. (I don’t even eat peppers.) I talked to Jeff constantly about it all morning. He finally said lets go get some plants. We got home and dug up a little spot and planted them. I haven’t touched them since. Jeff does everything for it.
I tend to be so laid back most of the time I don’t care about a lot of things normal people care about. If my bills are behind I don’t sweat it. They will be there when I have the money to pay them. If people are talking shit about me, at first it hurts and I worry a bit about it but, for the most part I can shake it off and not think about it again.
I can’t figure it out. I don’t think I have commitment issues. I don’t think I have ADD. This can’t be a good thing, can it? I am going to commit myself to making sure I post every day for the next two weeks just to see if I can make myself care enough about anything to write something decent. (Babysteps)

Published in: on May 25, 2008 at 4:28 pm  Comments (2)  

Hospital Life

Dj came home from her dad’s last Sunday and was sick. She went to school Monday because it was half a day but came home and went straight to the recliner and sat there sick. She woke me up about 3:30 in the morning asking for more meds. I went back and gave her some Nyquil thinking it would help with her fever and help her to sleep some. She woke up at 8 Tuesday morning and still had fever.
I called the doc and they could get her in at 10:15. She got ready and went to work with me. She was cold inside the building so she went to sit in the truck for awhile. When she finally came in about 9:15 her face was blood red and she was a bit woozy. We headed out early to the doctor’s appointment.
We were in the 10 minutes and they rushed us out the back door and straight into the hospital. We just got home this morning.
On top of a very severe kidney infection she had bronchitis and E Coli. (Thanks KFC!) It’s been a rough week with lots of antibiotics pumped into her. I will be posting about our stay in the hospital because there was some funny shit that happened!

Published in: on May 24, 2008 at 7:12 pm  Comments (2)  

The Old Me Meets The Real Me

I won’t rehash the story of me and Jeff. If you are interested you can find it here and here.
I failed to mention in my earlier posts that where I live in Oklahoma is a short 12 miles from where Gary grew up. I don’t go there a lot for fear of running into his family.
Last November I was once again revisited by my past. I love to eat at Chili’s. I had been craving their Monterrey Chicken for weeks. We finally had the opportunity to go there and eat and we invited some friends along with us. We were there long enough to order our food. I looked up because I saw some people walking in and lo and behold if it wasn’t Gary. He looked me right in the eye then walked by me and sat two tables away from me with his back to me.
I sat in stunned silence. Was barely able to keep up with the lively conversation at our table. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the back of his head. A million things ran through my mind. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t him. He was too short, his hair wasn’t long enough, he was fatter then Gary. More people showed up to eat with his group. He was turned my way but wouldn’t look at me no matter how much I willed him to. I just had to be sure for myself that it was him. I was completely riveted to his face. He finally smiled at someone in the crowd. I saw the familiar wrinkling around his eyes. I knew it was him.
My attention was finally drawn back to our table. My friend’s husband was saying something smart ass to me. I picked up a butter knife. I heard Jeff say “What are you doing with that knife?” Then my friend started loudly saying “Get him Jen! Get him!” As she was saying it I looked to Gary again. He flinched! He was drawn up like he just knew the knife was coming to his back. The fucker always did think the world revolved around him.
I never said anything about seeing him there while we were eating. Jeff and my friend both knew the story behind him and they are both really angry over it so I didn’t want to cause a scene there. Especially when I was still questioning it being him. When we left I scanned the parking lot and found a vehicle with Alabama tags. My fears were confirmed. We got in the truck and started out the parking lot, I finally told Jeff. I had a lot of rage in my at the time. Thankfully Jeff stayed level headed and got me straight home.
For the next week his face haunted me. He was constantly on my mind. I had nightmares every night. I woke up scared. I was nervous every time a car pulled up at work. I just knew he was going to find me. I completely turned into that scared little 4 year old girl and did everything I could to avoid seeing him again.
One night I was laying in bed trying to not fall asleep because I knew I would dream about him again. My mind drifted to a conversation I had with a minister a few years ago about some rage I was feeling during my divorce. He gave me a scripture to repeat to myself whenever I felt rage boiling up. I started repeating it to myself and soon lulled myself to sleep. It was the best sleep I had since I saw Gary the week before.
I woke up the next morning and had an epiphany. It has stayed with me ever since. I am surrounded daily by people that truly love me and want nothing but the best for me. That man does NOT have a hold over me any more! I refuse to give into the fear ever again. My healing finally began.

Published in: on May 21, 2008 at 5:00 am  Comments (2)  

The Old Me Part III

After I read the letters he wrote her, it became important to me that someone believed me that it happened. I started trying to find the friends of my mom’s that we talked to the night I told mom. They were like second parents to my brother and I growing up. We were always either at their house or their kids were at ours. We lost touch when mom left Gary.
I was finally able to locate him on one of the reunion websites. I emailed to make sure it was him. We exchanged a few emails back and forth until I got up the courage to ask him. I finally just simply asked if him and his wife believed me when I told them about it. He came back with a resounding yes! He told me that they tried everything they could to get mom to leave Gary but he had some kind of hold on her that couldn’t be explained. I didn’t need to hear anything else out of him about it. I immediately felt better just knowing they believed me.
I silently went about dealing with myself. Trying to get over a past I had locked away.
Late in 2004 my husband left me. After he was gone for a couple days I went to go talk to him to see if the marriage could be salvaged. He brought up the sex. Before I knew what was going on I started talking about Gary. It was like I was outside looking in and listening to myself talk. I told details of what he did to me. Then just as quick as it started to flow out of me it stopped. And it was like I woke up. I know that sounds really out there but it was so much like it wasn’t me talking at all.
That night it felt like a huge weight had lifted off of me. It hit me just how dumb I was to think I could silently work on myself. I had to get it out. I never really did talk in depth about it again but I did acknowledge that it happened.
Him and I got a divorce anyway. We both knew it was over long before we hit our 15th anniversary. We stayed together because we had 2 kids to raise and just because we had nothing better to do.
I never really started to date after our divorce. I had a few one night stands when needed but I took the following years to just work out my own shit. In February of 2006 I got a phone call from Jimmy. He told me that cancer had been found and he was going in for brain surgery on the 3rd. My friend and I loaded up and headed for Alabama. It was the first time in almost 20 years I had been back there.
I was apprehensive about going. I didn’t want to run into Gary or deal with any of that. It turned out to be a good trip home considering the circumstances. We took a little side trip before we left for home to visit the old friends I mentioned earlier. The ones that believed me. We talked for a little while and he told me other stories about Gary that I never knew. They were all horror stories about him beating his new wife after mom left him. He told me stories of drugs and alcohol. You name it…Gary was involved in it.
In October I was once again summoned back to Alabama. My dad was losing his battle with cancer. I never knew it was as bad as it was. He played it all off to me. I know it was because he was still trying to protect me.
The morning my flight arrived my aunt took me to see him. He was just a shell of the man he used to be. He was miserable and he was trying to hold on with every painful breath he took. I leaned down and whispered to him that it was time to stop protecting me. I told him that when he found the man to fill his shoes send him my way. My dad passed away that night. After the funeral I hopped a plane and came back home. A month later I met Jeff. It didn’t take long to realize he was the one for me.

Published in: on May 20, 2008 at 5:00 am  Leave a Comment