Self Mutilation

I came to a realization yesterday. I will never be a tight rope walker. At first I was somewhat sad but then I realized I don’t like heights so it’s not really a big deal after all.

We were working some cows yesterday and had to leave a gate open for them to get into their pen. The problem was their pen happened to be one that opened up into the big pen in which we were all standing. There had been two worked already and they were about to join us back in the big pen so I walked around boards that are on the sides of the pen to run them back in there.

The first cow bolted and went where she was supposed to go but the second took it as a challenge. She came straight for me. I pretty much had no where to go; either right in front of her or into the pen with all the other mad cows. I jumped up just as her nose hit my foot and got on top of the fence around the pen and she came running out after everyone else.

This cow went after everyone. She was pissed and she didn’t care who she took it out on. My mom instincts were in full motion. My daughter was also in that pen and I kept inching her to safer place in the pen but that nut only wanted me to get out of her way so she could watch this cow go at all the other guys.

She finally goes back to her place and all the others are taken care of but one. I get up on my board and go to run her into the chute. That worked out fine and as I turned to get off of my board I missed with one foot and fell. One leg hit the ground, the other bent and took the full force of my body weight on my knee. It created a big scrape and a huge knot just under my knee cap. By the end of the night my leg was swollen from my knee to the tips of my toes. I have a spot on my foot where it was so swollen my flip flop was cutting into me.

Right after this happened it started to rain. I ran out to roll the windows up on the truck and rolled part of my hair up in the window as well and pulled out a nice chunk. I went back, sat down and had a couple beers in an attempt to not feel the pain if I should hurt myself again.

But that’s not all, my friends, there is more! When we got home I was shutting the door of the truck and didn’t realize I was standing that close to it and as it swung shut it hit me right smack in my already sore knee!

I am currently taking bubble wrap donations.

Published in: on June 29, 2007 at 7:16 pm  Leave a Comment  


someone stood up and said a big FUCK YOU to Paris Hilton! With all the other crap going on in the world why is her story the lead story ALL THE DAMN TIME?

Published in: on June 28, 2007 at 4:12 pm  Leave a Comment  


I woke up this morning very irritated with Jeff. He did nothing to deserve it but it was still there. I had three very distinct dreams last night, two involved him trying to kill me. I wasn’t mad that he tried to kill me. I was mad because he used stupid ways to do it.

In the first dream there was six of us; me, him, Dj and Dylan, and two unknown people. We were at a restaurant. Jeff was sitting with a man and I was sitting with a woman, I have no idea where my kids were. I looked over at Jeff and he was holding an envelope and had a pissed off look on his face.
We all got up and went towards this water ride that was in the middle of the restaurant. All of us but Jeff got buckled in, he was standing in the middle of the ride and looked at me real mean and threw and octopus in my face. I got it off my face and he threw another one at me.

In the next dream we were in the middle of a field and he did some kind of voodoo and had a whole herd of animals attack all of us. I had a baboon attacking me. All the others played dead and the animals left them alone. But as the baboon was attacking me I started asking him why and he said ask Josh and showed me the envelope. I explained to him that was a love letter from my nephew Josh to HIS girlfriend Jennifer. It has nothing to do with me. So he helped me get rid of the baboon.

The last dream was equally stupid so I will spare you that one.

Published in: on June 20, 2007 at 5:27 pm  Comments (1)  

The Nose Knows

I haven’t been around much in the past week. I’ve been either running around or sitting on my ass at home crocheting. For your reading torture I give you my rambling thoughts on the past week or so.

Wednesday was a cattle round up day. I got on the horse and followed the guys out like I knew what I was doing. I was a bit more comfortable with the horse this time and was even able to help round up a couple stray cows. By the end of the day one of the guys that was there (the guy that owned the cows) saw that I crocheted. He offered me $200 to design and crochet a big blanket with his company name and brand on it. I have it designed and started working on it Thursday.

For the past several weeks my family has been a pain in the ass to Robin. She is a great friend and I don’t know what I would do without her. We haven’t had a vehicle and she has been so great in letting us use her car or running us here and there no matter what time it was. I am very relieved that I don’t have to put her out anymore (Rob you can say it wasn’t putting you out all you want but we both know it was a pain in your ass on a couple different levels.) because on Thursday we got a truck! I love this truck! It will get me many tickets!

Jeff was home all day yesterday. It was a rare day off for him. We fussed and picked at each other all day. At one point, he got up to get some more tea. I jumped up and started fighting him for the cup so I could get it for him. The wrestling match moved into the kitchen. We were standing in front of the fridge fighting for this cup. Dillon and Dylan followed us in to watch things unfold and to figure out what we were fighting over. (The story that was given, which will come in handy in a minute, was they thought there was a beer in the freezer that we were fighting over.) Anyway, I had the cup and turned my back to Jeff. He was reaching around me to get it from me. Then all went black. Dillon had opened the freezer door to get the beer he thought we were fighting over. When he opened it he hit me square in the face, which made my head go back and pop Jeff in the cheek. My lip and nose started swelling and Jeff’s eye started swelling.

We recovered from that and later decided it was time to go to bed. We got in there and once again I wasn’t really sleepy so I started picking at Jeff. He doesn’t really get too rough with me so his only defense is to tickle me. He reached out to tickle me and I went to grab his hand and started in for my attack. It was dark. There were more miscalculations and he ended up popping me in the nose!

After everything settled down again, I reached over to kiss him on the top of his head and he moved thinking I was attacking again and I got head butted right in the nose again! This morning I woke up and my nose is slightly swollen across the top of it and there is a faint black line running just under my right eye. I don’t think it is broken but it feels really stopped up and is a bit tender. I think tonight I will get an elbow pad and strap around my head to keep my poor nose safe from any harm that is waiting to befall it!

Published in: on June 18, 2007 at 3:24 pm  Leave a Comment  

Weekend Recap

This was a good weekend! Saturday morning I was up at 5:30 to send my husband off to work. I sat around for about 15 minutes and decided to start some laundry. I went down to Rob’s to do the laundry and checked my email and such. Finally got up to the house and tried to crochet but I wasn’t in the mood for it. Oddly enough, I couldn’t fight the urge to clean my house. I spent most of the day just cleaning. When Jeff got home we just hung out and watched movies until bedtime.
Sometime during the day Saturday I let my husband talk me into going to work with him yesterday. They were heading out to another’s guys place to help him find some missing cattle. We left the house at 5:00AM. By 6:30 we were on our way to the place we were looking for cattle. I had my crochet with me because I normally just sit in the truck and crochet while they do their thing if it involves the horses.
Jeff was getting things ready to head out and asked me to hold his horse. He just looked at me and said “I’ll get a bit for that Bay over there if you want to ride.” It sounded like a challenge to me so I said “Ok!” Well, he did it. There was no turning back. I got on the horse and sat there for a little while trying to get the feel of it and get over the case of nerves I had just acquired.
It came time to head out and I followed the guys out. I figured if nothing else I would just hang back and follow them around. I couldn’t resist the urge to say “Umm I guess maybe I should have used the bathroom before we left.” There was a collective groan from the men in front of me. I laughed so hard I almost fell off the horse first rattle out of the box.
After we had been riding for about 5 minutes or so my husband turns to me and starts explaining the best way for me to sit when going down a hill or up another one. I said “So, what hill are we talking about?” He points directly to his left to a steep hill that has a creek at the bottom and a steep hill on the other side. I almost freak and almost turn back. He started talking me thru it and another guy rode up behind me and said “Hold on!” and he popped the horse on the butt and across the creek and up the hill we went. After that I got more comfortable and was able to cross back over with no nerves and no help.
By the end of the day I was brave enough to help them herd some cattle into place so they could be counted. The guys were very good with me and never got out of sorts with me if I screwed up. Thru it all I was very overwhelmed with how my husband kept one eye on his work and one eye on me. Giving me steady instructions and constantly putting me at ease with the horse and what I was doing. Seeing him watching me made me glad I took it as a challenge. It was awesome to see the love and pride in his eyes and knowing it was directed right at me. And well, he knew if I got hurt he would never live it down!

Published in: on June 11, 2007 at 4:23 pm  Leave a Comment  

The Eyeball Blog

The other night was weird in my house. I was in an ornery mood and poor Jeff was the only victim person in the house besides me. I aggravated the shit out of him for most of the evening and well past bedtime. At one point he decided turn about was fair play but it did not work out well for him.
He likes to hide and jump out and scare the piss out of me. He disappeared down the hall and after about 5 minutes or so I went to look for him. He wasn’t in the bathroom and he wasn’t in our bedroom. I looked over at my daughter’s room and notice her door is open. I walk in and pounce Jeff who is hiding behind the door. He goes to run out of the room after he pushed me down on her bed and ran smooth into some beads she has hanging in front of her door. He takes one right in the eye.
Bedtime was finally declared and we head off to our room. I’m not sleepy and since he is the only other victim person in the room I start in again. This leads to a wrestling match of sorts. (Minds out of the gutter people.) Robin had been having a bad night so I was also texting back and forth with her. The girl had my back. Every time he got the better of me she would text forcing him to relinquish his hold and let me text her back.
Then the inevitable happened and Robin decided to go to sleep. Jeff got me pinned down with my hands held above my head and he was sitting on me about to start tickling me. The only thing that I could move was my head so I started licking his hands trying to get him to turn loose. It didn’t work. I got a genius idea and decided to lick his cheek forcing him to have to let my hands go so he could wipe it off. Yeah, it was dark and I miscalculated the distance his head was from mine. When I stuck my tongue out to lick his cheek I nailed him right in the eye with my tongue ring!

Published in: on June 9, 2007 at 12:17 pm  Leave a Comment  

I Got Nothing

I really have nothing to post about today but this one little story my son told me when he was 4 just keeps nagging at me to tell it.
Just before Christmas when Dylan was 4 I picked him up from Pre-K. He told us that his teacher told them the story of how Santa started out. Now let me preface this by saying Dylan has always had trouble saying some things or mishearing things or just mixing up his words.
Anyway the story goes like this: Santa started out with a sleigh and one white horse.
What Dylan told us: Ms. Gamble told us today that Santa didn’t always have his sled and all the reindeer. He started out with a slave and one white whore!
Yup! That’s my boy!

Published in: on June 6, 2007 at 7:23 pm  Leave a Comment  

Just Stuff

I read a couple celebrity blogs. Well more to the point I read the comments on a couple celebrity blogs. They are always a source of amusement for me. I have to say that I really just don’t get hero worship. Rarely do you see someone make a comment about what was actually posted that day. Normally it’s the “I love you *insert name*!”. The ones that really get me are the ones that comment saying “I’m dying of so and so disease.” Do they think an acknowledgement from the celebrity will somehow save their life? Then there are the people that beg for money. On one hand I have to give them props for having the balls to ask a total stranger for money. On the other it pisses me off and I just wish one time the celeb would say get a freakin job!
Yesterday I was answering the phones at work. One of our drivers is from New York. When he talks it sounds like what in my mind a gangster sounds like. (I’m talking old school gangster.) To me he is one of those manly men. His wife has cancer. She is one of the sweetest women you would ever want to know. Yesterday when he called me he was telling about her latest doctors visit. He almost had me in tears. Not necessarily about her diagnosis but how he sounded when he was talking to me about her. The tenderness I heard in his voice was unsettling to me. I’m not sure why.
I did finally find a charity that I liked and joined it. I started crocheting a baby blanket the other night. Jeff asked me what I was doing. I told him making a baby blanket. He walked into the kitchen to find some food and a few minutes later he came back. He sat there for a few more minutes and got up and went to the bathroom. He came back in and as he walked back by me he said “And ummm just who is the lucky couple?” Think all the recent baby related talk has got him paranoid much?

Published in: on June 5, 2007 at 4:49 pm  Leave a Comment  


There are four boys that live in our neighborhood. They range in age from 12 to 16. My son being the youngest and the smallest. He has been told on many occasions that if he wants to run with the big boys he better be prepared for what they dish out. He is prepared for the most part but I didn’t realize until last night that I wasn’t.
The boys have always done their own little imitations of backyard wrestling. Robin has showed a couple of their videos on her blog. For the most part the boys “script” what’s going to happen and they video it.
Last Thursday Jeff and I were sitting in the living room talking. We heard a couple of the boys heading up towards the house in a dead run and yelling and cutting up. (Here’s the part that shows I’m a bad mother.) Messing with the boys, Jeff reaches up and locks the door. Dylan does his usual thing of beating on the door and yelling let me in. Finally Jeff unlocks the door and Dylan comes in. He is breathing hard (not unusual) and when he takes his shirt off he is all red. (Also not unusual) He told me they had all been out there playing around and wrestling.
Last night I saw the video the boys made of it. Well I saw one of them. Robin did try and warn me before I watched it but well me being me I watched it anyway. At the beginning you can see my son laughing and cutting up. Then the “action” starts and all you see is two big boys knocking my son down and beating the shit out of him. I have to say that Robin was right…I shouldn’t have watched that video.
I had nightmares last night over it. In my head I KNOW they were playing and all but in my heart that was my baby laying there getting the shit beat out of him. And we locked him out. What if that had been real? I have to step up my mom vibes. It hurts me every time I think about it and I really need to figure out a way to erase that video from my head.

Published in: on June 4, 2007 at 4:08 pm  Leave a Comment  

Baby Talk

The other day we were loading cattle. (By we I mean they.) Dj and I were standing on the side of the pen talking. Jeff rode up to a friend who was holding his baby son. Jeff started playing with the baby. Dj leaned over and whispered to me “See mom he would be good with a baby. We need one.”
Dj finally called Jeff over and told him that. He immediately said no and well that just triggered me to mess with him.
Me: But what if I want one?
Him: We don’t need one right now!
Me: But I want one!
Him: Not right now. We can’t afford it. It’s not a good time!
Me: How’s six months from now looking?
At this point he goes to searching for his phone to call a doctor because he was just about on the verge of having a heart attack and making me a widow.

Published in: on June 3, 2007 at 10:40 pm  Leave a Comment