I owe 3 hospital bills totaling $600. Apparently that $600 is about to cause the untimely demise of the hospital. About a month ago I got a call from a bill collector and he asked for my boss. I said I’m sorry he’s not here and he said well I am looking for Jennifer. I told him I was Jennifer. He proceeded to tell me about these bills and how I’m a shitty person and a drain on society because I haven’t paid them yet. This man pretty well dogged me the whole time we were on the phone. I was a horrible person but he would give me one more shot at redemption. Okay…whatever send me the papers and I might send you some money.
After that conversation I forgot about it, until a few minutes ago. He just called me again and was his same charming self. This time he didn’t piss me off, he gave me something to laugh about. So, to all my friends…here laugh with me.
Jackass: May I speak to Jennifer please?
Me: This is Jennifer
Jackass: This is yadda yadda yadda with blah blah company. I spoke with you several weeks ago about your bill with Suck Ass Hospital.
Me: Oh yeah! I remember my friend telling me the papers were there. I just haven’t got them yet.
Jackass: You know we just don’t know what to do about you. I’m not sure you have any intention of paying this at all.
Me: Sure I intend to.
Jackass: Well yeah but Suck Ass Hospital keeps calling us asking about you and we tell them that you are going to pay and you don’t. This is making us look bad.
Me: Sorry don’t know what to tell you.
Jackass: Is there anyone who can help you with this?
Me: Nope, it’s just me.
Jackass: How about your income taxes?
Me: I paid off my car with that.
Jackass: So you bought a car?
Me: Paid OFF my car. Been paying on it for years.
Jackass: Well who is *insert name here*?
Me: My ex husband.
Jackass: Well it says here it is your dad.
Me: My dad is dead. That is my kid’s dad. You know the kids with the hospital bills?
Jackass: You need help.
Me: Yeah if you can find me some I would appreciate it.
Jackass: You definitely need help! Have a good day! *CLICK*
I know this looses something in translation but that last little bit I was hard pressed to not laugh at him. He smooth hung up one me before I could say “Yeah I do but they won’t help me cause I refuse to pay them!

Published in: on March 8, 2007 at 5:33 am  Leave a Comment  

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