I’m Outta Here…

I will be away from any computer for a few days. Most of you won’t see me again until Monday. The rest I’ll be seeing you Friday or Saturday.

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Published in: on March 28, 2007 at 2:21 pm  Leave a Comment  

Haunted

There is a folder in my inbox. I created it when I took a temporary second job. I named the folder after the boss. I quit the job. I have deleted the folder 4 times. It’s still there!

Published in: on March 22, 2007 at 9:31 pm  Leave a Comment  

Tag! I’m It!

Write a blog entry about it as well as state this rule. At the end you choose 6 others to be tagged. Don’t forget to leave them a comment that says “TAG…You’re IT” and to read your blog for rules.

List 5 things in my bedroom. (Avoid the obvious like “bed”)
Clothes – My room seems to be a breeding ground for all clothes.
2 TV’s – Neither of them currently work but they are both there.
A Man – I didn’t even have to blow him up!
Yarn – I’m an addict collector.
Trash – Well, because I’m a slob!

List 4 things I like about myself
I finally know who I am and what I want and I’m comfortable with me.
I have found my voice and I don’t have much trouble telling people what I think anymore.
I love all my little quirks. They are what makes me who I am.
I love my sense of humor!

List 3 of my favorite pastimes (in no particular order)
Crocheting
Surfing the net
Reading

List 2 of my favorite quotes:
We don’t have NO CRUNCHY!!
May your life be like toilet paper… Long and Useful!

I tag everyone that lurks but doesn’t comment. Let me know where to find you!

Published in: on March 21, 2007 at 7:51 pm  Leave a Comment  

Does This Make It Premeditated?

For several months now I have worked with a man that I really don’t care much for. We will call him Dick. From the start of him working here, whenever he is in the office I get nauseated. I mean there have been times that if he would have been in this office for a few minutes longer I literally would have thrown up. He hit on me a few times and I was always quick to shoot him down. The bosses loved to pick on me about him being my next best thing. I found something out about him not long ago that has made my distaste for him even greater and it makes it even harder for me to remain professional when I talk to him. If Dick doesn’t start to watch himself quickly, we will be attending his funeral.
The other day he came in and I was talking to one of the bosses, and Jeff. Dick walks in whining about some part he needed for his truck. The conversation went kind of like this.
Dick: I need blah blah blah for my truck.
The Boss: Let me introduce you to the closet. (Parts are kept in a closet)
Dick: (as he follows boss) Well, maybe I can get Jennifer to come to the closet with me.
At this point, had we been anywhere else besides work, Dick would have been dead because Jeff was not at all happy about the comment. I get Jeff pulled off the ceiling because well I don’t want Jeff to go to jail for a murder that I wish to commit.
Lately Dick has gotten very argumentative. If I tell him the sky is blue he will argue that it is purple. This pisses me off to no end!
When MFE is out of the office, I am usually in charge of the phones. I am left very strict, detailed information about what each guy is supposed to do. If a problem arises I can always call either one of the bosses and they tell me how to handle it. I am always given detailed information on how to handle it. What I’m trying to say is this: I don’t just pull stuff out of my ass to tell these guys!
A problem just occurred and I called MFE to let him know what was up and he told me exactly how to handle it. I start making some calls, everything works out perfect. I call Dick back to give him new instructions and he starts to argue with me over it. Because obviously, I’m the dumbass!
I’ve said all this just to ask this question: Does anyone know if Oklahoma allows conjugal visits? At the rate he is going, and given my current state of hormone imbalance I am going to rip his ever lovin vocal chords out!
**Update** The bosses made him call and apologize to me.

Published in: on March 21, 2007 at 6:23 pm  Leave a Comment  

Jealousy And Horse Porn

  • Yesterday I was subjected to some horse porn. Ok, subjected isn’t quite the word I guess. My boss was breeding some horses and it was so loud and I’m so nosey I had to watch. Wait! My boss wasn’t actually breeding them himself. He was just the pimp that set it all up. Anyway, I’m glad I’m not a horse because they get kinda rough!
  • I learned Friday night that I am quite territorial. I had to work the door at the bar and Robin was sitting by me talking. She heard a girl talking about the good looking cowboy in the black hat standing by the bar. Well, the only cowboy in a black hat standing by the bar happened to be MY cowboy! So, I did what any mature adult would do… I called a bouncer over to work the door for a few minutes and went and stood by him and kissed him. See, I’m not the least bit jealous; I’m just like a two year old and want the others to know what’s mine!
  • Somewhere along the way I have acquired a wienie addiction. (Minds out of the gutter) I’m talking the full on cow/pig parts and pieces kind of wienies. I love them. Can’t quit eating them. And if they happen to be stuffed with cheese I am totally their bitch!
  • I printed out my blog for Jeff to read the other day. We laid in bed for a few hours reading it. I wish I would have put a little more into some of them because I have absolutely no clue what the hell I was talking about. He would ask me a question and I would try and think about it for awhile and once or twice I came up with what I was talking about but for the most part I really had no clue.
  • Ever since I wrote that little bit about my wienie addiction I have been trying to figure out how to get myself to the store to get me a fix. Wienies and oreos…damn that sounds good!
  • My kids keep randomly walking around the house quoting South Park.
  • My daughter did a story for one of her classes that started out with her as a baby. I put her in a block of cheese to keep her safe or out of my way or something or another like that.
  • Jeff told me and Dj the other night that he is going to outlaw the use of the words fuck and bitch in our house. So her and I decided that from now on we will just have to call each other buckin fitches!
Published in: on March 20, 2007 at 6:33 pm  Leave a Comment  

Checking In

Just running though to let everyone know I am still kicking. The past week or so have been very busy at work and at home. There is less then two weeks until the wedding and the best thing I can say so far is me, Jeff, Robin and Billie won’t be naked at the wedding. The rest of the wedding party is questionable at this point.
We haven’t got any food yet but the cake is ordered.
I am growing pretty damn impatient.
I promised a picture of my ring a long time ago. I am bad at follow thru. Here is a bad picture of it but I kept shaking when trying to take it so it’s the best I have.
Published in: on March 19, 2007 at 8:37 pm  Leave a Comment  

Typical Conversation In My House

Dj: Jeff, your a dork!
Jeff: I am not!
Me: She just called you a whale penis.
Jeff: No she didn’t. She called me a dork.
Me: I saw on tv that the scientific name for a whale penis is dork.
*silence*
Jeff: Dj! Did you just call me a dick?
*giggles in the background*
Me: No baby, she just called you a big dick!
*dead silence*

Published in: on March 12, 2007 at 8:13 pm  Leave a Comment  

Conversation

I owe 3 hospital bills totaling $600. Apparently that $600 is about to cause the untimely demise of the hospital. About a month ago I got a call from a bill collector and he asked for my boss. I said I’m sorry he’s not here and he said well I am looking for Jennifer. I told him I was Jennifer. He proceeded to tell me about these bills and how I’m a shitty person and a drain on society because I haven’t paid them yet. This man pretty well dogged me the whole time we were on the phone. I was a horrible person but he would give me one more shot at redemption. Okay…whatever send me the papers and I might send you some money.
After that conversation I forgot about it, until a few minutes ago. He just called me again and was his same charming self. This time he didn’t piss me off, he gave me something to laugh about. So, to all my friends…here laugh with me.
Jackass: May I speak to Jennifer please?
Me: This is Jennifer
Jackass: This is yadda yadda yadda with blah blah company. I spoke with you several weeks ago about your bill with Suck Ass Hospital.
Me: Oh yeah! I remember my friend telling me the papers were there. I just haven’t got them yet.
Jackass: You know we just don’t know what to do about you. I’m not sure you have any intention of paying this at all.
Me: Sure I intend to.
Jackass: Well yeah but Suck Ass Hospital keeps calling us asking about you and we tell them that you are going to pay and you don’t. This is making us look bad.
Me: Sorry don’t know what to tell you.
Jackass: Is there anyone who can help you with this?
Me: Nope, it’s just me.
Jackass: How about your income taxes?
Me: I paid off my car with that.
Jackass: So you bought a car?
Me: Paid OFF my car. Been paying on it for years.
Jackass: Well who is *insert name here*?
Me: My ex husband.
Jackass: Well it says here it is your dad.
Me: My dad is dead. That is my kid’s dad. You know the kids with the hospital bills?
Jackass: You need help.
Me: Yeah if you can find me some I would appreciate it.
Jackass: You definitely need help! Have a good day! *CLICK*
I know this looses something in translation but that last little bit I was hard pressed to not laugh at him. He smooth hung up one me before I could say “Yeah I do but they won’t help me cause I refuse to pay them!

Published in: on March 8, 2007 at 5:33 am  Leave a Comment  

One Word Survey

Because I really have nothing useful to say, you are stuck with this.
Can.

Only.
Type.
One.
Word.
Not as easy as you might think.
1. Where is your cell phone?: mousepad
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?: life
3. Your hair?: messy
4. your mother?: gone
5. Your father?: gone
6. Your favorite thing?: family
7. Your dream last night?: dunnno
8. Your favorite drink?:tea
9. Your dream car?: running

10. The room you’re in?: office
12. Your fears? alot
13. What do you want to be in 10 years: lazy
14. Who did you hang out with last night?: Jeff
16. Muffins?: yes
17. One of your wish list items?: yarn
18. Where you grew up?: Alabama
19. The last thing you did?: smoke
20. What are you wearing?: hoodie
21. Your TV?: dead
22. Your pet(s)?: Bob
23. Your computer?: dead
24. Your life?: awesome
25. Your mood?: good
26. Missing?: sleep
27. What are you thinking about right now?: wedding
28. Your car?: broke
29. Your work?: quiet
30. Your summers?: weird
31. Your ex?: different
32. Your favorite color?: orange

33. When is the last time you laughed?: earlier
34. Last time you cried?: awful
35. School?:good

Published in: on March 6, 2007 at 6:37 pm  Leave a Comment  

Doing It Anyway

I decided I have to purge this crap from my brain even if it doesn’t make sense.

  • My soon to be husband is such a great guy. I have been feeling a bit violent today and I’m not sure why exactly. No one has done anything to me to make me feel this way. I just want to rip someone’s head off. Anyway… he asked me to quit keeping these feelings bottled up and just talk to him when I’m freaking out over something. So I shared with him how I feel today. He told me I could get after him if I needed to. Bad thing is…he isn’t getting on my nerves so I can’t make myself take it out on him.
  • I think truck drivers are cool people. They will do anything for anyone unless you piss them off. Then they really could care less what happens to you. Anyway…why do so many of them have to stink? They are shut up in those little cabs for days…can they not smell themselves?
  • I have a really big urge to take a can of spray paint and write on a wall or a water tower. Or I might just settle for a sharpie and a bathroom stall. Although I haven’t thought of anything really cool I want to write. I am gonna put that on my to – do list for the weekend.
  • MFE is planning on throwing Jeff a bachelor party. I don’t have a problem with this except he wants to do it the night before the wedding. In Oklahoma City. I told him he could do it two days before the wedding but not the night before.
  • Do you ever just feel lost?
  • Most of my friends are going thru some sort of self discovery thing. I say some sort because each are on a different level of discovery and each for different reasons. As everyone that reads this knows I have been working on my own path for quite some time now and have made some great finds about myself and have worked on several major areas that really needed worked on. I really wish there was something I could offer all of you that are on your journey. I wish I could make these realizations for you. I wish I could say at least one thing to make it easier for you. But, I can’t… the best I can do is offer you an ear when you need it and a gentle push when you try and back away. (This is the thought that kept me up most of the night.)
  • The wedding is really starting to get real to me now. Not because of the flower shopping, or the clothes shopping, or the cake picking out. But it’s mostly because the family is starting to say they are coming in. My brother and my nephew are confirmed coming in. I can’t wait to see them! I have only ever seen my nephew once and he was only a year old then.
    Since I don’t have to work tomorrow I plan on sleeping in and crocheting a lot. I have a blanket that I have a month to finish so I gotta get to work on it quick. I am hoping that working on it will help get my ass in check!

Now, I feel a bit better. Thanks!

Published in: on March 2, 2007 at 9:20 pm  Leave a Comment