Valentines

I figured with all the Valentine’s Day madness I would weigh in and give my 2 cents on the topic. It has never really been a big day for me. I don’t get into all the I gotta have flowers and candy and stuff from my guy. I have honestly felt that if he couldn’t do something like that thru the year why bother when a commercial reminds you that you love me. It’s kinda like Robin mentioned in her post today….it just kinda means more when you aren’t getting the stuff on the same day as every other woman in the world.
Yesterday on the way home from picking the kids up, Valentine’s Day came up and I told Jeff how I felt about it. Of course he reacted like any man would; first he was skeptical about whether I was testing him or not but then when he realized I was serious I guess he felt relieved that he was “off the hook”. I can’t say that I blame him though cause that’s a lot of pressure on a guy.
Last night we got to talking about it again and I realized that there is one Valentine’s Day that is very special to me. It happened 2 years ago. My husband had left me a couple months earlier and I was still in the grieving process for my marriage. I talked about this some in an earlier post but, it was the last time I thought about trying to kill myself. Well, technically it was more then a thought, it was an attempt but since I have to do everything half assed I hit the brakes and didn’t follow through.
That was the day of my rebirth. That was the day that I realized I was more then just Sam and Jimmy’s daughter, Dj and Dylan’s mom, or Travis’s wife. I was Jennifer. That was the day that I really started to get to work on me. In two days it will have been two years of a lot of really looking at myself and not just covering up problems but actually getting to work and fixing the things about me that needed to be fixed. It was a helluva roller coaster ride and I strapped all my friends in for the ride as well. We all survived it and for me at least I think I came out of it a better person. Ok…maybe not better but I did come out of it as Jennifer.
If it wasn’t for that day two years ago this Valentine’s Day wouldn’t be a special one either. It would be just another day. This year I have a man that I love and he is good to me. I’m no longer afraid that a man will tell me that he loves me and mean it. He has shown me he means it. How you might ask? Yeah that’s a story for a different day.
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Published in: on February 12, 2007 at 9:32 pm  Leave a Comment  

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