My Life…On The Inside

Last Sunday afternoon I was minding my own business at Robin’s house (Yeah we all know that’s a lie) when I get a text from Robin stating her unwavering need for her blow dryer. So like a little trooper I load up and drive the 12 miles to the motel she is at and give it to her. I sat on the bed talking to her and drinking a beer or two (really, I swear, it was just two) and texting someone else for a couple hours. I then decide it’s time for me to head home so I load up and go.
I was cruising down Hwy 3 doing a mild 72 mph when a state trooper comes towards me. I immediately start praying to no avail. He whips it around and heads after me. I get my car all shut down by the time he walks up to my window and asks for my driver’s license and insurance verification. Well it dawns on me that my license is sitting back at Robin’s on her desk. I tell him that and then I confess to no insurance. He takes me back to his car and calls in my information and it comes back that my license is flagged, apparently suspended. I just looked at him and said “Guess this means you gotta haul me in?” He told me that was exactly what it means and asks me to step out of the car. I got out and turned around, put my hands behind my back and he cuffed me. (He was cute but that wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for handcuffs.) He then stuffed me back in the front seat of the car.
He asked me if I had anyone I could call and I told him yes but I needed my phone out of my car because it had all my numbers in it. He went and got my phone out of the car and set it in my lap. While he was searching my car I reached around and grabbed my phone and started texting everyone to let them know what was going on. Each message that I sent simply said I am getting arrested. Billie comes back with Are you shittin me? Robin comes back with Yeah whatever. My kid comes back with OK. Then the trooper gets back in the car and says “No texting ma’am” and takes my phone from me and does the little drunk test with my eyes and his pen. I passed I guess. They came and got my car and towed it and then he took me to Antler’s Jail. I told him this was definitely not on my top ten to do list before I die and he laughs at me. While in route to the jail my phone is steady going off with text messages being sent to me. (I saved them all and will post them here) LOL
After we got to the jail they ask if I’m violent and I said I’m mostly non violent. I started cleaning out my pockets for them. I had cash in each pocket, sorted out because of what each had to pay for. They pick at me cause I keep pulling it out. They inventory everything then tell me they need to inventory the clothes I am wearing. Of course I can’t go to jail in a plain non descript t shirt…I’m wearing one that boldly says TESTICLE FESTIVAL! They fingerprinted me and I kept laughing. I told the deputy I know I probably should be crying and going all girl but I can’t…it’s too damn funny. One deputy tells me that I can now officially tell people that I’ve been in and I ain’t scared to go back.
They finally locked me up. I was in there with a woman telling me her whole life story and a guy begging me to drop my cigarettes by the toilet. He wouldn’t listen to me that they were in my car that was locked up quicker then I was. After about 15 minutes they come and get me back out cause my drunk friend Robin and the bondsman had finally showed up to get me. They did my mug shot which I couldn’t keep a straight face for then had me signing a whole bunch of papers. Before I left they offered me a job. 🙂 As I was heading out the door the deputy told me again to remember to not take shit from anyone and I left with these final words “I’ll tell them I’ve been on the inside and I know how it works. I’ll put the smackdown on your candy ass!” The bondsman looked at them and said “I can’t believe you corrupted her!”
After I got out to the car I was finally able to read all the messages I had. Most were from Robin and I saved everyone to share here. Luvs ya bitch! 🙂
1) Yeah Whatever (when I got that one I could no longer respond to them)
2)Don’t fuck with me about that.
3)Are you really serious, cause if not I will be pissed and if so do I need to call Lil Joe?
4)And if your fucking lying and I go to the police station I will kick your ass. Cause I’m fixing to head that way.
5)K I’m really upset now, went to cop station, can’t walk in cause I’m drunk and I’m really worried now and if it’s a fucking joke don’t worry about responding.
By the time the last one came she called and found out that I wasn’t playing around about it. I really was in there! LOL I went to court yesterday and they said if I bring my license and insurance verification back by December 27 they will drop all charges. If you ever feel the need to be arrested make sure it’s near Antler’s, Oklahoma. I highly recommend the people there.

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Published in: on November 21, 2006 at 9:00 pm  Leave a Comment  

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