To The Unknown Man At The Other End:

Thank you Unknown Man for taking my phone call. I appreciate the fact that you just let me spend 5 minutes of my time and yours cussing you like a dog, and you still called me ma’am. I do realize that you are not solely responsible for my rage but it was you and you alone that allowed me to get it all out. Thank you…you made my day and I am now a happy person once again.

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Published in: on November 27, 2006 at 8:33 pm  Leave a Comment  

Conversation With My Daughter

Me: I think I am gonna drown you.
Her: Ok
Me: You sure?
Her: Well, I think you can do better then drowning me.
Me: Poke you with a straight pin until you bleed out?
Her: Come on Mom…If I’m gonna let you do this the least you can do is be creative!

Published in: on November 27, 2006 at 5:34 pm  Leave a Comment  

Stir Crazy

I wish I had some awesome stories to tell of my week alone. But, unfortunately the dog and cat made me promise to keep quiet about the parties. Apparently Robin gets upset when they get jiggy with it. So, here is the story that you get:
Wednesday I worked my ass off and crocheted quite a bit. I pretty much watched movies all day while I worked and crocheted. About 1 am I dyed my hair orange. You can’t really tell just how bright it is by the picture. But, trust me, it’s damn bright!
Thursday I sat around in my T shirt eating donuts and pizza rolls. Did some more work, some more crocheting and watching more tv. My daughter chewed my ass a bit because I didn’t go eat with my ex husband’s family. I was invited but didn’t feel like it would be very comfortable for his new wife. I’ll go see the family soon. I miss them a lot.
Yesterday was spent pretty much the same way except I shook it up a bit by playing with my camera. I’m restless as hell and want to just get out and go. Due to my recent incarceration I’m a wee bit on the timid side right now. So, I will just sit here until Robin gets home tomorrow doing my thing then I will talk her damn ear off. And I promise Shiloh and Kitty that I will not spill the beans about the hula dancer!
Published in: on November 25, 2006 at 6:03 pm  Leave a Comment  

Yeah Baby!!

Guess who is home alone for the rest of the week! Robin took the kids to meet up with their dad just a little while ago. Now it’s just me for the rest of the week. Whatever shall I do with myself?

Published in: on November 22, 2006 at 4:34 am  Leave a Comment  

My Life…On The Inside

Last Sunday afternoon I was minding my own business at Robin’s house (Yeah we all know that’s a lie) when I get a text from Robin stating her unwavering need for her blow dryer. So like a little trooper I load up and drive the 12 miles to the motel she is at and give it to her. I sat on the bed talking to her and drinking a beer or two (really, I swear, it was just two) and texting someone else for a couple hours. I then decide it’s time for me to head home so I load up and go.
I was cruising down Hwy 3 doing a mild 72 mph when a state trooper comes towards me. I immediately start praying to no avail. He whips it around and heads after me. I get my car all shut down by the time he walks up to my window and asks for my driver’s license and insurance verification. Well it dawns on me that my license is sitting back at Robin’s on her desk. I tell him that and then I confess to no insurance. He takes me back to his car and calls in my information and it comes back that my license is flagged, apparently suspended. I just looked at him and said “Guess this means you gotta haul me in?” He told me that was exactly what it means and asks me to step out of the car. I got out and turned around, put my hands behind my back and he cuffed me. (He was cute but that wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for handcuffs.) He then stuffed me back in the front seat of the car.
He asked me if I had anyone I could call and I told him yes but I needed my phone out of my car because it had all my numbers in it. He went and got my phone out of the car and set it in my lap. While he was searching my car I reached around and grabbed my phone and started texting everyone to let them know what was going on. Each message that I sent simply said I am getting arrested. Billie comes back with Are you shittin me? Robin comes back with Yeah whatever. My kid comes back with OK. Then the trooper gets back in the car and says “No texting ma’am” and takes my phone from me and does the little drunk test with my eyes and his pen. I passed I guess. They came and got my car and towed it and then he took me to Antler’s Jail. I told him this was definitely not on my top ten to do list before I die and he laughs at me. While in route to the jail my phone is steady going off with text messages being sent to me. (I saved them all and will post them here) LOL
After we got to the jail they ask if I’m violent and I said I’m mostly non violent. I started cleaning out my pockets for them. I had cash in each pocket, sorted out because of what each had to pay for. They pick at me cause I keep pulling it out. They inventory everything then tell me they need to inventory the clothes I am wearing. Of course I can’t go to jail in a plain non descript t shirt…I’m wearing one that boldly says TESTICLE FESTIVAL! They fingerprinted me and I kept laughing. I told the deputy I know I probably should be crying and going all girl but I can’t…it’s too damn funny. One deputy tells me that I can now officially tell people that I’ve been in and I ain’t scared to go back.
They finally locked me up. I was in there with a woman telling me her whole life story and a guy begging me to drop my cigarettes by the toilet. He wouldn’t listen to me that they were in my car that was locked up quicker then I was. After about 15 minutes they come and get me back out cause my drunk friend Robin and the bondsman had finally showed up to get me. They did my mug shot which I couldn’t keep a straight face for then had me signing a whole bunch of papers. Before I left they offered me a job. 🙂 As I was heading out the door the deputy told me again to remember to not take shit from anyone and I left with these final words “I’ll tell them I’ve been on the inside and I know how it works. I’ll put the smackdown on your candy ass!” The bondsman looked at them and said “I can’t believe you corrupted her!”
After I got out to the car I was finally able to read all the messages I had. Most were from Robin and I saved everyone to share here. Luvs ya bitch! 🙂
1) Yeah Whatever (when I got that one I could no longer respond to them)
2)Don’t fuck with me about that.
3)Are you really serious, cause if not I will be pissed and if so do I need to call Lil Joe?
4)And if your fucking lying and I go to the police station I will kick your ass. Cause I’m fixing to head that way.
5)K I’m really upset now, went to cop station, can’t walk in cause I’m drunk and I’m really worried now and if it’s a fucking joke don’t worry about responding.
By the time the last one came she called and found out that I wasn’t playing around about it. I really was in there! LOL I went to court yesterday and they said if I bring my license and insurance verification back by December 27 they will drop all charges. If you ever feel the need to be arrested make sure it’s near Antler’s, Oklahoma. I highly recommend the people there.

Published in: on November 21, 2006 at 9:00 pm  Leave a Comment  

I Just Wanted To Say…

I have the best group of friends anyone could ask for. I have no clue how I got so lucky but I thank God everyday that I did. Someday I hope to be able to grow up and have half the heart as you guys!

Published in: on November 20, 2006 at 5:31 pm  Leave a Comment  

How I Spent My Sunday Evening

I got arrested and my car impounded. It was a first for me and wasn’t at all what I expected. Thank god for small town jails. And thank god for drunk friends that come and bail you out!

Published in: on November 20, 2006 at 1:29 am  Leave a Comment  

Confused

Part of you wants to dig in your heels, but your intuition is telling you something different. Listen to it. Remain flexible, and you can take advantage of all the perks being offered to you — and more.
That’s my horoscope for tomorrow. I can’t decide if I think it’s good or not. I do have something goin on in my life that I want to give in to but I am holding back somewhat. But is it my intuition that tells me to hold back or my stupidity telling me to hold back? Do the perks come from holding back or from letting go? O well I guess only time will tell and then I promise to tell.
Published in: on November 18, 2006 at 6:59 pm  Leave a Comment  

Cathi

I met Cathi many years ago online. We hit it off instantly and talked daily. She passed away a year ago and not a day goes by that I don’t miss her. I met her in person a couple years before she passed away. We had so much fun that day just running around at the mall and bullshitting.
Cathi inspired me in so many way. She helped me thru my bad times and bitch slapped me when I was being stupid. She helped me sail thru my Freshman Comp classes by kicking me in the ass to make me write all my papers and then proofreading them. She made me want to get my thoughts out and into writing if for no other reason then to purge my brain from time to time. Other then this blog I haven’t wrote a thing since she passed. I guess I started ignoring my muse because I know she hasn’t left me.
Cathi saw the beauty of the world and documented it always. Her website is still very much alive thanks to her brother. Take the time to go and get to know my friend. She is worth the read.
I love you Cathi and May you rest in peace my friend.
Heronwing.

Published in: on November 16, 2006 at 7:11 pm  Leave a Comment  

Woot! Woot!

We won the Super Bowl!!!! This is the spot that I would be showing you some really cool pictures or videos. I would if my camera wasn’t a piece of shit and deleted all the pictures before I could get them acquired!
The boys played an awesome game! There were a lot of penalties on both sides because they got so excited they just took off most of the time. It was a hard win but it was a good one. The final score was 8-6! Each boy was presented with two trophies; a team trophy and a super bowl trophy.
*That’s Dylan a couple months ago. He is showing off his first zit.*
Published in: on November 12, 2006 at 2:42 am  Leave a Comment