Blah, Blah, Blah!

This page has been sitting here open for 3 hours now. I can’t think of anything I just really want to say. I could ramble about how rum dumb I am today. Sharla had a good night last night and woke me up around 1AM to talk to me about it. By the time we got done talking it was time for work. I am currently hooked up to a caffeine drip. In about ohhh 3 hours I will be in my bed out cold where I SHOULD have been instead of up chatting thru the night with her.
I do have to say though…I kind of like middle of the night talks with people. Things that you hold in during the day tend to come out and you can really have some good talks like that. (Yes, there really are some things that simply rattle around in my head and never come flying out. It’s usually the things that I think will get my ass kicked. )
Okay… since I have been awake on and off since yesterday I’ve had a lot of time to think about some thing that’s been on my mind. I’ve said it a million times since my divorce. I’m just not sure another relationship is what I want right now. The relationship topic has been coming up more and more lately and I am starting to question how I really feel. I think I might just be ready to jump back in and go for it.
Now, that being said, I’m not looking to get serious with the first guy that asks me out. I think I am just at the point where I am more open to considering it. I have been divorced now for a year and a half. He’s remarried and happy and I can honestly say NOW that I really am happy for him. So, what have I been waiting on? Nothing really, just haven’t had the want to.
Okay, here’s my dilemma; I currently have two guys asking me to give them a chance. I don’t know a lot about either of them but both seem to be nice and not freaked out psycho stalkers. I hold no illusions to the fact that I will find the man of my dreams in a bar. I usually only go to dance and play around then go home alone. (My choice… well most of the time.) But, here again, why not give them a chance. I have known one of them a little longer then the other and probably a little better but why give one a chance I won’t give the other. Crap he might have finally got tired of asking and gave up on me.
Here’s the deal… we can’t really talk in the bar. The bar is the only place I really see them. For the next few weeks I can’t go out cause my kids and I are pretty booked up. I don’t have a phone and at the moment can’t afford one. So, that leaves me inviting them over to my house. Not entirely sure I’m cool with that just yet. I mean what if I get to know them and absolutely hate them. They now know where my house is and can easily come by when I piss them off and gut me in my sleep. Okay not sure that would happen but who knows I am good at making jumps that even Evil Knievel couldn’t make.
Oh HELL!! If I’m just gonna end up hating them and them hating me why bother. I won’t do the dating thing… no one gets a chance. All I have to say is “Can’t we all just be friends?”
Edited to add: I kind of feel sorry for the guy that has the misfortune to catch me. I wouldn’t want to put up with my dumb ass.

Published in: on July 12, 2006 at 9:58 pm  Leave a Comment  

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